Sr. Mary Ann Dixon, OP
Adrian Dominican Sister
The death, destruction and scale of this pandemic are stunning to me. Now, at 207,000+ I’m afraid of our growing numb to the horror. I read this saying, ‘Statistics are human beings with the tears wiped away.” I want the tears to remain. I can’t even fathom the experiences of first responders, the poor, those with special needs children who are not equipped to teach them at home. I feel anger at those who call it a hoax, claim the Constitution as their defence for refusal to wear masks or those who demand their rights to bar hop, have parties, or stage armed demonstrations in our state capitol. This, coupled with the malfeasance of Donald Trump, the Republican complicity, and the blindness of some of his followers (my family was among them), have simply made me crabby! I’m scared he’ll be re-elected. Today, Donald Trump is hospitalized with the virus. Maybe some of his followers will come around.
Spiritually, this time has been a gift. I’ve been present to the promptings in my soul; I’ve been more aware of my relationship with time. In my journal I wrote, “I never noticed time, unless I was sleepless, late, bored, waiting, hungry, or rushed: all of which are transitory.” Now my eye is on eternity. Because I’m relatively close to my death, and while I’m unafraid of it (I think), these days I’ve felt anxious for it. It’s a kind of psychic exhaustion that makes me ready to “rest in peace.
Symbolically, I yearn for a bird’s eye view of creation, the vastness of the cosmos, the miracle of the divine big bang. From my winder near my desk I can see the leaves changing and, with fewer activities, I can “waste” time just looking at the trees. I’ve named three of them: one after my first boyfriend, one after my spiritual director, and one after an old friend with whom I can share irreverence, jokes, impetuosity, and deep spirituality.
My ministry these days is mostly writing and some presentations (out loud writing), so that continues. I love and have always loved the study I have to do for ministry, so that continues.
Finally, about the vaccine: The politicians should be inoculated first. If it works, the serum is safe. If it doesn’t work, the country is safe.